Why the hell would I want that? He said.
I felt confused. He was staring right at me. Right through me.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
He answered “surely there are reasons you would NOT want touch in your LDR, what are they?”
I flippantly responded, “yeah, if you want your LDR continually be stuck in a rut, then there be reasons.”
Later, I gave a little thought to that question. Why would someone NOT want to touch their partner when they're physically separated?
I had my first LDR in 1977 as a university student. And from 2004 to today when I or my SO travelled separately on business or family trips. Fortunately we usually travel together.
I've seen a lot over the years.
Discussions about LDRs usually centered around why you want to video, call, text, or (coming soon) physical touch.
You know, that's all well and good, I've definitely stepped in a couple of LDR ruts from time to time. Just short term ruts mind you, moods you know.
If you limit experiences you can add to your LDR, long term you'll probably be under more stress and frustration than you need to be, and you may want to do something about that.
Barbara, our psychologist, will touch on and offer solutions for many such issues from time to time in future blogs.
Here's a “smorgasbord” of reasons you would not want touch in your LDR. I imagine any of them you experience may be short term or isolated examples.
R: = Reason
MO: = My Observation
R:You love your partner, but you're not “in love” with him or her, or you're growing apart.
MO: Sometimes this happens. “The thrill is gone” so to speak. We'll cover ways in future posts to rekindle the thrill whilst you're apart.
R: You don't like touch.
MO: I think some people don't like a lot of touch. But there may be a rare few who don't like any at all. If that's you, remote touch is not for you. Still, is that fair to your partner/SO?
R: You overthink to the point of “paralysis analysis.”
MO: Please let me give you some advice here. STOP IT!
R: You never try anything new.
MO: OK. And your LDR will probably be harder for you and you'll miss out on some fun until remote touch becomes “mainstream.”
R: You don't believe in the psychology findings that touch improves your emotional and physical well-being.
MO: Believe what you want. The “Touch Research Institutes” have conducted ninety-three separate studies on touch and touch therapies – with consistent findings that touch improves mental and physical health.
R: You don't take your LDR seriously.
MO: Perhaps you should.
R: You don't believe LDRs can work, or the distance matters more than the relationship, or the distance is too much of a disconnect for you.
MO: Henry Ford once said: “If you think you can, you probably can. If you think you can't, you probably can't.” Perhaps your underlying motivation needs some support.
R: Family and friends put too much pressure against your LDR.
MO: Lack of support can be a KILLER to your LDR. This is a topic which will come up on our posts.
R: You don't communicate much at all during your LDR, perhaps because of time differences and work schedule conflicts.
MO: Often, quality is more important than quantity.
R: You don't like to share little feelings of joy, or you don't want to create incredible experiences, or you don't want to grow and evolve together during your LDR.
MO: Try it, maybe you'll like it.
R: During rough times, you don't want to communicate.
MO: Sometimes we need time/space to ourselves. But certainly not permanently!
R: You want to wait until you get together.
MO: Of course nothing beats being together, buuut... Why wait?
R: Tech does not have the proper/best context.
MO: There is truth to this. However, tech with your “magic touch” may just be the solution.
R: It doesn't feel 100% right, or your needs are not 100% met – and they must be.
MO: Well... sometimes somethin's better than nothin’. And if you gotta have somethin’, don’t settle for nothin’.
You may wonder, are these false beliefs?
Perhaps, but being apart can be awfully difficult.
However, if you dream of making your LDR easier, even downright fun, then we share your dream.
Now, the good news, things are coming soon to make your LDR easier and better.