Avoid an LDR meltdown… These questions may be the best psychologist you’ll ever have…

Avoid an LDR meltdown… These questions may be the best psychologist you’ll ever have…

It started so innocently – with an email that changed everything…

Imre wrote me: “If your LDR patients had telepathy and could read their partner’s mind over video chat, what would they desperately want to know?”

And: “What do they desperately wish their LDR partner understood about them, but could never tell them?”

My mind raced ahead, to every concern and fear I’ve been told, such as…

What does my partner think about me? Is he losing interest in our LDR relationship?

Does he look at other women? Why do I see likes and comments to and from attractive social media friends?

Why do I see or hear white lies? Why is it so hard for my SO to be completely honest with me?

Even after years together I can’t help but think he would cheat on me when we’re in LDR mode.

When we fight he sometimes ghosts me, even though I thought we worked it out.

Will our love last forever?

We each know friends who started out so in love, but after a long LDR, they fell out of love.

Why does my SO sometimes talk so little even when there’s a lot going on.

Sometimes I just feel something’s wrong – am I overthinking it?

We used to video and text for hours every day, and now not so much.

We’re in a new LDR, but my partner keeps comparing me to other women, including his ex.

Can I make him love me more?

I feel like my SO only contacts me when he wants or needs something…

… And a whole lot more!

Not every relationship can work out

But many, many more would be successful and less stressful if questions like the ones on this and my previous blog post are well discussed. Those discussions would also shed a lot of light and even answer the above questions and statements which I’ve heard.

So I put together this shortlist of questions you should discuss for an even healthier LDR. These questions may be different from what you WANT to discuss because they are what you SHOULD discuss…

Now, let’s get into some more questions…

Question 6: Long-term what are you looking for in our relationship?

You want to make sure your general long-term objectives are largely in alignment.

If one of you wants marriage and to start a family, and the other doesn’t. You want to find this out before you make significant commitments to each other.

You may not want this to be the first question to ask in starting an LDR. Do keep in mind we’ve had at least five questions in previous parts of this series. But, don’t wait too long.

Follow-up with questions like What’s important to you about (what they said)? How important is this for you? Why? How certain are you – could your feelings change?

Question 7: If you inherited $10,000 – and I forbade you to spend any of it on me or to come to visit – what would you do with the money?

Developing an LDR can give little reality to true money habits. Most couples give very little discussion to it because it is stressful and difficult, yet…

… Studies found that 41% of divorced Gen Xers and 29% of Boomers say they ended their marriage due to disagreements about money. It’s the same percentages as from cheating!

So, it’s important to get a good understanding of your SO’s money habits, and the earlier the better. Certainly, BEFORE you make long-term commitments.

Some people would sock the money away for a house down payment or investments. Others would blow it on parties, gambling, expensive trips, or whatever.

If you’re both not on the same page here, you need to know it and discuss it. Money issues are one of the biggest long-term problems in relationships.

Question 8: What do you find admirable and important about your parents and closest relatives?

Our family characteristics and environment has shaped who we are and strongly influence our ‘Emotional Intelligence.’

It also affects how we react to different situations and what we consider normal.

As your LDR develops, you’ll eventually be interacting with your partner’s family members. This question will give you some idea of how your partner relates and reacts to close family circumstances. Plus give you some idea of how you’ll be expected, and how you will interact with them, and they with you.

So, pay close attention, make sure you get some specific answers.

Follow-up with questions like: Why did you pick those things? What do you like least? Why? What stands out? Why?

This wrap-up part 4. The next issue, part 5 will be the finale for this phase on starting an LDR.

In a future series, I’ll give you the scoop on helping more advanced LDRs work even easier and be more fun.

This will include remote touch, that is, touching your SO while physically separated by distance. SenzyBee will soon make this a reality for you and your LDR partner. 

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As always, wishing you an even greater LDR success.